Artist: Bill Engvall or Ray Stevens

Christmas Day will not be very merry
Explaining to the children will be hard
Well it's Christmas Eve tonight
And our beagle picked a fight
With some reindeer that were grazing in our yard

I let the dog outside to do his business
I forgot to hook his leash up to the peg
First he and Cupid came to blows
Then he bit Rudolph on the nose
And when I got there he was eyeing Prancers leg


Now I'm getting sued by Santa Claus
He's claiming mental anguish in his case
Yeah, I'm getting sued by Santa Claus
And my kids won't even look me in the face

I tried to throw myself on Santa's mercy
I begged him but I wasn't gettin' thru
I said " it's all your fault you know "
He said " now how can that be so? "
I said " because we got the stupid dog from you!"

Now I'm getting sued by Santa Claus
He's claiming mental anguish in his case
Yeah, I'm getting sued by Santa Claus
And my kids won't even look me in the face

Oh I'm gettin' sued by Santa Claus
He's claiming mental anguish in his case
Yeah, I'm getting sued by Santa Claus
And my kids won't even look me in the face

Yeah, I'm getting sued by Santa Claus
Now I'm bunkin' with the beagle at his place

Spoken: Couldn't we just settle out of court?

Happy Christmas

Mmmmm oooo ohhhh
Ahhhhhaa

Last Christmas I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away
This year to save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special

Last Christmas I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away
(You gave it away)
This year to save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special
(Special)
Once bitten and twice shy
I keep my distance but you still catch my eye
Tell me baby do you recognize me
Well it's been a year it doesn't suprise me

Happy Christmas
I wrapped it up and sent it
With a note saying "I love you" I meant it
Now I know what a fool I've been
But if you kissed me now I know you'd fool me again

Last Christmas I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away
(You gave it away)
This year to save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special
(Special)

Last Christmas I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away
This year to save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special
(Special)

Oh oh
Oh why baby

Ooooo

A crowded room friends with tired eyes
I'm hiding from you and your soul of ice
My God I thought you were someone to rely on
Me I guess I was a shoulder to cry on

A face on a lover with a fire in his heart
A man undercover but you tore him apart
(Tore me apart)
Ooo ooo
Now I found a real love
You'll never fool me again

Last Christmas I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away
(You gave it away)
This year to save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special
(Special)

Last Christmas I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away
(You gave me away)
This year to save me from tears
(Oh)
I'll give it to someone special
(Special)
A face on a lover with a fire in his heart
(Gave you my heart)
A man undercover but you tore him apart
Maybe next year I'll give it to someone
I'll give it to someone
I'll give it to someone special

Special
Someone
Someone
I'll give it to someone
(Special)
I'll give it to someone now

Who'll give me something in return
(I'll give it to someone)
(I'll give it to someone)
Hold my heart and watch it burn
(I'll give it to someone)
(I'll give it to someone)
I'll give it to someone special

I thought you were here to stay
How can love be for a day
I thought you were someone special
Gave you my heart
(I'll give it to someone)
(I'll give it to someone)

Last Christmas I gave you my heart
You gave it away
I'll give it to someone
I'll give it to someone

(Ad-lib Fade out)

Look Into my eyes - there you'll see - what you mean to me
search your heart - search your soul - and when you find me there
you will search no more
Don't tell me, it's not worth tryin' for
You can't tell me, it's not worth dyin' for
you know it's true, everything I do, I do it for you

Look into your heart - you will find - there's nothing there to hide
Take me as I am - take my life - I would give it all
I would sacrifice
Don't tell me, it's not worth fightin' for
I can't help it, there's nothin' I want more
You know it's true, everything I do, I do it for you

There's no love, like your love
and no other, could give more love
There's no where, unless you're there
all the time - all the way

Don't tell me. it's not worth tryin' for
I can't help it, there's nothin' I want more
I would fight for you
I'd lie for you
Walk the wire for you
Yeah I'd die for you

You know it's true
Everything I do, I do it for you

Song: Go Deep

Album: The Velvet Rope

Chorus:
We go deep
And we don't get no sleep
Cause we be up all night
Until the early light

Repeat Chorus

I'm feelin' fine
'Cause in time I'll be out tonight
I'm startin' now
Makin' sure I look fine tonight

Call Rene and Boo
Gotta meet them soon
Tell T. to call Shawn
I'll be there at 1:00
When we show up
All the guys at the club
Wanna get our backs
We look good in black

Repeat Chorus

I'm feelin' high
Cause I'm outta control tonight
(Feelin' high don't wanna stop)
He's got me movin'
DJ groovin' I feel way right
(groovin' I don't wanna stop)

I'm getting freaked from behind
I don't even mind
'Cause he's looking damn fine
Make him mine in time
Gotta take him home
When I get him all alone
I'll make him scream and moan
He won't wanna stop

Repeat Chorus

I'm feelin' high tonight
Outta control tonight
I'm feelin' high tonight
I feel high

Repeat Chorus

Artist: Bob Rivers Comedy Troupe
Album: Twisted Tunes

Lacy things the wife is missin
Didn't ask for her permission
I'm wearin her clothes
Her silk pantyhose
Walkin round in women's underwear

In the store there's a teddy
With little straps like spaghetti
It holds me so tight
Like handcuffs at night
Walkin round in women's underwear

In the office there's a guy named Melvin
He pretends that I am "Murphy Brown"
He'll say "Are you ready?", we'll say "Whoa, man!"
"Let's wait until the wife is out of town!"

Later on if you wanna
We can dress like Madonna
Put on some eyeshade
And join the parade
Walkin round in women's underwear

Lacy things - missin
Didn't ask - permission
Wearin her clothes
Silk pantyhose
Walkin round in women's underwear
Walkin round in women's underwear
Walkin round in women's underwear!

Song: Wait A Minute

Everybody listen all over the world
I got a story 'bout my favorite girl (Wait a minute)

Oh, my baby sexy for sure
I had to have him when he walked through the door (Wait a minute)

She was 'bout to drive me insane
She come with drama while I'm giving her chains (Wait a minute)

I'm focused but I'm losing control
He only wants me for my body and soul (Wait a minute)

Girl, why you do me like that?
You take all my money
Can't even call a player back (Wait a minute)
Boy, why you tripping like that?
You think 'cause you tricking you get it just like that? (Wait a minute)

Minding my business, I was doing my dance
Got my attention, so I gave him a chance (Wait a minute)
Did I mention he was buying a bar?
Gave him my number, he was trying so hard (Wait a minute)
Bought me some things I didn't want, didn't need
Dropped down his jeans like I'm supposed to drop to my knees (Wait a minute)
He been blowing up my phone like he know me
Been leaving messages "You know what you owe me" (Wait a minute)

Girl, why you do me like that?
You take all my money
Can't even call a player back (Wait a minute)
Boy, why you tripping like that?
You think 'cause you tricking you get it just like that? (Wait a minute)
Girl, why you do me like that?
You take all my money
Can't even call a player back (Wait a minute)
Boy, why you tripping like that?
You think 'cause you tricking you get it just like that? (Wait a minute)

What is your problem daddy?
Slow your roll
Who you think you jiving?
You're disturbing my flow (Wait a minute)
Why you be bugging?
Like I'm some kind of hoe
Got no more questions now I want you to go
So break (Break)

Hey, let me talk to you for a minute
Shut up...shut up

I love the way you strut
Girl, you already know
But, I'm feeling like you don't want me
You just after my dough

Baby, please, I'm fine
I'm not one of these hoes
Chasing dreams not diamond rings
So don't call me no more
(Wait a minute)

Girl, why you do me like that?
You take all my money
Can't even call a player back (Wait a minute)
Boy, why you tripping like that?
You think 'cause you tricking you get it just like that? (Wait a minute)
Girl, why you do me like that?
You take all my money
Can't even call a player back(Wait a minute)
Boy, why you tripping like that?
You think 'cause you tricking you get it just like that? (Wait a minute)

See, I don't want your money
Yeah, I seen you rolling up here
In your cadillac
But, I don't need all that
It is a nice color though
(Wait a minute)

What they call you, Mr. Tin man or something?
See, I don't want your cars
I don't want your jewelry
You can't buy this
So you can keep that
Wait a minute...
Uh yeah, you can give me that back

I don't know if you can see
The changes that have come over me
These last few days I've been afraid
That I might drift away
I've been telling old stories, singing songs
That make me think about where I come from
And that's the reason why I seem
So far away today

(Chorus)
Let me tell you that I love you
That I think about you all the time
Caledonia you're calling me
Now I'm going home
But if I should become a stranger
Know that it would make me more than sad
Caledonia's been everything
I've ever had

Now I have moved and I've kept on moving
Proved the points that I needed proving
Lost the friends that I needed losing
Found others on the way
I have kissed the fellas and left them crying
Stolen dreams, yes there's no denying
I have traveled hard sometimes with coattails flying
Somewhere in the wind

(Chorus)
Let me tell you that I love you
That I think about you all the time
Caledonia you're calling me
Now I'm going home
But I should become a stranger
Know that it would make me more than sad
Caledonia's been everything
I've ever had

I'm sitting here before the fire
The empty room, the forest choir
The flames that don't get any higher
They've withered now they've gone
But I'm steady thinking my way is clear
And I know what I will do tomorrow
When the hands are shaken and the kisses float
Then I will disappear

(Chorus)
Let me tell you that I love you
That I think about you all the time
Caledonia you're calling me
And now I'm going home
But if I should become a stranger
Know that it would make me more than sad
Caledonia's been everything
I've ever had

Caledonia's been everything
I've ever had
Caledonia's been everything
I've ever had
Caledonia's been everything
I've ever had

Someday, when we are wiser,
When the worlds older,
When we have learned....
I pray someday we may yet,
Live to live and let live.

Someday, life will be fairer,
Need will be rarer,
And greed will not pay.
Godspeed this bright millennium,
On its way, let it come someday.

Someday, our fight will be won and,
We'll stand in the sun in,
That bright afternoon....
'Til then, on days when the sun, is gone,
We'll hang on, If we wish upon the moon.

There are some days, dark and bitter,
Seems we haven't got a prayer,
But a prayer for something better,
Is the one thing we all share.

Someday, when we are wiser,
When the whole world is older,
When we have learned,
And I pray, someday we may yet,
Live to live and one day, someday...
Someday, life will be fairer,
Need will be rarer,
And greed will not pay.
Godspeed, this bright millennium,
Let it come, if we wish upon the moon...
One day, someday.....soon.

Someday.....soon...

Turn around
Look at what you see....
In her face
The mirror of your dreams....
Make believe I'm everywhere
Given in the light
Written on the pages
Is the answer to a never ending story...
Ah....
Reach the stars
Fly a fantasy....
Dream a dream
And what you see will be....
Rhymes that keep their secrets
Will unfold behind the clouds
And there upon a rainbow
Is the answer to a never ending story...
Ah....
Story...
Ah....

Show no fear
For she may fade away...
In your hand
The birth of a new day...
Rhymes that keep their secrets
Will unfold behind the clouds
And there upon a rainbow
Is the answer to a never ending story
Ah....
Never ending story...
Ah....
Never ending story...
Ah....
Never ending story...
Ah....
(fade)

I know she'll never understand
I gave my word before we met
So I just can't go breaking it
She'll say she thinks I'm out of touch
I've let my duty, honorbound
Come between the love we've found

Chorus:
How can I live without her
When she's all I'm livin' for (I'm livin' for)
How can I live without her
Live like I did before
Now I can see
Through her eyes
How good love could be
How can I live without her
When she's gone

No matter what the future brings
I'll hold the memories in my heart
No matter how long we're apart
She'll always be the only one
Her name forever on my lips
She's slipping through my fingertips

Chorus:
How can I live without her
When she's all I'm livin' for (I'm livin' for)
How can I live without her
Live like I did before
Now I can see
Through her eyes
How good love could be
How can I live without her
When she's gone

(Instrumental Solo)

Chorus:
How can I live without her
How can I live without her
How can I live without her
When she's gone
(How can I live without her)
When she's gone
(She's all I'm living for)
She's all I'm living for
(How can I live without her)
How can I live like I did before
How can I live without her?